bits of wisdom

we all know everything; we just tell ourselves we don't because sometimes it hurts too much to know

hollywood kills good stories (see from hell the movie, argh!)

i am very much alone here, but i'd be fine if i could just forget that i am

apparently, the fibers lab here doesn't use tpins at all, leaving me to wander aimlessly ...

life is not a job, not a path, not a career; these are all words we use to bury the fact that every choice we make kils someone we could have been, as well as, in the case of americans and otehr wealthy people, the people we kill by just living our lifestyle

the world as we know it has maybe 100 years, then the arctic is COMPLETELY gone, among other things (we were only just starting to experience the effects of pollution from the industrial revolution in the mid-90s...much more terrible things to look forward to)

people who don't give themselves the chance to recover tend to hurt their hearts over a lifetime..

i need to take tai chi or i'm gonna explode

what if someone read and imagined so much that they exploded and caused a rip in reality into which everyone fell until that orginal person realized they'd died and that they need to just stop being in order to stop the eventual destruction of all that is...

people here don't talk much; instead, they walk into places, look about like idiots, then disappear as quckly as they came...

don't try to take a bus into a strip area in indiana; you'll end up fucked....they tend to have sidewalk until you get within a foot of the intersections, at which point the sidewalk ends so they dont' have to install traffic lights for pedestrians...

indiana is car-centered, ann arbor is people-centered...me want go home

ann arbor is my home

i want to go to europe

jerusalem garden tshirts are ade by american apparel!

the people you love will always die; the places you love will always go away

life is too short and too beautiful to get caught up in the past and the desire to make things what they were; everything changes, nothing can be born/new/created without the destruction....even breathing, we kill millions of people and dcreatures and moments that could have been

most things are reminiscent of the uncertainty principle in science; you can pin down one thing, but not the other, and vice versa

social sciences blow

married people blow; each other as well as in general

i live because i choose to

augury is no wheres to be found, cept in literature, etc.

so...

so i just spent the last few hours out with some friends, or possible friends
this girl i know from work invited me to her birthday celebration involving seeing kiss kiss bang bang, and i of course said i was interested, and then went today...
and it was fine
when i talked to her, i felt like i made sense, and i had fun
but i just can't seem to shut my mouth
like i was talking to the other guys there and i just couldn't say what a guy is sposed to say...i kept talking about my problems with my department, in that other students are too tightly wound (tho i phrased it more awkwardly)
and i kept coming back to feeling like saying 'i'm sorry, i'm awkward' but i know that's no excuse, and i dont' need an excuse
mostly i just wish everyone hadn't coupled before i meet them, and that if i do meet them uncoupled, they don't assume i want them
honestly, the more grad students i meet, the more i think the kind of woman i would like to meet wouldn't go to grad school, would be far too irritated by its constraints
and so too i'm more and more confused as to what is right, what i ought to do
i keep being pressed into choices, into actions that i would not take normally...i have to define myself as being committed to one discipline, as a good student, as a normal person, as someone worth employging, as a published scholar with innovative ideas
but i don't care about any of that, i'm realizing...i just want to make a difference, i want to change the world, i want to change peoples' lives for the betterment of the world
and yet i'm pushed into being one tiny grad student insecure of his place in the world, missing his parents, longing for his friends, and dreaming that even the people he loves get lost in the tornado that has become his life
one tiny mook in a fancy wine/cheese place having a stranger spot him the cash for food and drink, a stranger who could very well be his cool friend...but i'm so lost, so ... floating that i can't even commit myself to a conversation
because i'm constantly anticipating what others willt hink and do, and yet i'm haunted by my sister's words from a few summers ago when we fought over why we'd been fighting for the last 2 years..."you're anticipating, you're holding your cards up against your chest and not letting anyone else see, you're too busy trying to stay one step ahead of people to give a fuck about them"
and maybe i am, maybe my way of being scared is trying to manipulate others, but at the same time, i find myself in social situations with my mouth running off in the other direction, vomiting my emotions, my self onto the table in awkward lights and situations so that others can see, so maybe someone will point at it and say
"that's beautiful"