Class was cancelled today so i got groceries and then i was supposed to DO something, but instead i bought a pizza, ate it, drank some saki (which was sooooooo good, and a gave me a buzz that's reddened my cheeks and warmed me to a comfortable state of sleepy half-happiness), some soda, and watched tv.
Now, I have just finished the graphic novel, Blankets, which was toooooo fucking preachy for me. I grew up with that jesus shit, i don't need a rehash, although i guess it was pretty good otherwise...even verging on terribly good. but merely verging...soem of the drawings just felt like they could have gone farther...but overall, i'd give it an A, but with the reservation that it could have been an A++++++++++++++
Anyway, I don't want to read...even though i have to...or do the dishes...even tho i should...or do the million and one things i should do...heck, i don't even want to draw, which is a first in a while...
mostly, i just want to talk to someone, so call me
in other news, Who wants to go travel this summer??? come on, you know you want to!
i'm talkin to you brooke, thea, and ryan...who wants to go to japan!? yeah!
sorry, i'm just bored, wishing i could be traveling or something...
here's the lame part
i'm going to use cookie dough as a metaphor
okay, so i'm cookies
but i'm not done baking
and i'm on this wacked out platter with other cookies
and the other cookies aren't really what i expected, but some are cool
and the platter is awight...but i'm not done yet
and i don't really want to go back in that same oven
i want to try a differen one
maybe one with spices or frosting
or honey or caramel
or something
in other words, i feel like i'm stunted, or stilted, or just plain jilted... i feel like i've gotten to the peace/sense of home/of place that i've always searched for and yearned for, but I AM NOT READY FOR IT
i'm not the cookies i want to be yet...i'm not as complex and elaborately flavored as i'd like to be...
RESOLUTION: after/if i get into phd school,
i'm gonna take a year or two off, if it's allowed, otherwise i don't know what' i'll do
and travel
go to hawaii, visit some of the places in my mom's pictures,
to ireland, to the cote d'azur i've dreamt of for so long, before the dreams die
to egypt, to the pyramids, maybe, to japan
to switzerland and maybe belgium again and to acadia national park and new hampshire and california and colorado...i want to visit all my friends and family
and be alone in places without a safety net
without furniture, without confidence, without walls, without me
to maybe get a better grip on the world, and me, and people
and maybe get some of the experiences, the adventures, that i'm yearning for
resolution2: i shoudl read....
eep, here i go!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
"I'm always looking for the sun..."
"It may have been so good
but now it's understood
t'was just a night
If I could turn my heart
and keep it miles apart
from love of beast or man
and never give a damn
If i could learn to lie
and never show my pride
I'd be just like the rest
be someone i detest..."
--The Gentle Waves - Falling from Grace
I miss you guys, all y'all, specially the ones with too much goin on to check this here blog out...
i've met a few people...but it's not friends...it might be some day, but i'm just in that fuzzy area where i miss what i've had, realize there was notyhing wrong with being in a2, but knowing i couldn't be there anymore
i'm glad i left...now i know i can leave, and be strong about it...but i don't want a traveling life..if only because we're supposed to be so mobile for the economy
and i'm fully in grad school...procrastinating work, not reading readings well enough, and half-assing a lot more than i normally would...but still learning SO much...and doubting every single word i say
i'm still not so sure about japan and the supernatural as my focus...i want more of a social justice leaning to it...i want the world to be better than it is...not for me, not for any spawn, but for you, for my parents, my family, my friends, and of course, my friggin cat...
well, i have 60 more pages to read tonight, and a page summary to write...nothing too bad...but then tomorrow i have to go to class for bout 8 hours...yeash...so i gotta go...
altho, just for the record, y'all should pick up sufjan steven's Come on feel the illinoise! or greeting from michigan, or liz phair's exile in guyville
cuz hey, the be the rocks (my version of its the bomb....maybe it'll catch on someday)
one last thing, i'm dreading making friends here because one of the cooler people i met said, "Oh, yeah, when i came here i was a vegetarian, but i'm flexible, and now i eat a lot more eat"...i just wanted to fucking yell at her, "NO< you are not a vegetarian, a vegetarian does NOT EAT MEAT!" but she was sweet, and it would have been rude, and i think she was trying to look cool despite her generally lame-looking friends..who were all right, joss whedon fans and all, but they were all...
GASP!..
MARRIED>>>>>>
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I"M IN FUCKING INDIANA WITH A BUNCH OF MARRIED PEOPLE!!!
and there's a lot less healthy food here...lots more fat...
missin y'all
(specially vu)
but now it's understood
t'was just a night
If I could turn my heart
and keep it miles apart
from love of beast or man
and never give a damn
If i could learn to lie
and never show my pride
I'd be just like the rest
be someone i detest..."
--The Gentle Waves - Falling from Grace
I miss you guys, all y'all, specially the ones with too much goin on to check this here blog out...
i've met a few people...but it's not friends...it might be some day, but i'm just in that fuzzy area where i miss what i've had, realize there was notyhing wrong with being in a2, but knowing i couldn't be there anymore
i'm glad i left...now i know i can leave, and be strong about it...but i don't want a traveling life..if only because we're supposed to be so mobile for the economy
and i'm fully in grad school...procrastinating work, not reading readings well enough, and half-assing a lot more than i normally would...but still learning SO much...and doubting every single word i say
i'm still not so sure about japan and the supernatural as my focus...i want more of a social justice leaning to it...i want the world to be better than it is...not for me, not for any spawn, but for you, for my parents, my family, my friends, and of course, my friggin cat...
well, i have 60 more pages to read tonight, and a page summary to write...nothing too bad...but then tomorrow i have to go to class for bout 8 hours...yeash...so i gotta go...
altho, just for the record, y'all should pick up sufjan steven's Come on feel the illinoise! or greeting from michigan, or liz phair's exile in guyville
cuz hey, the be the rocks (my version of its the bomb....maybe it'll catch on someday)
one last thing, i'm dreading making friends here because one of the cooler people i met said, "Oh, yeah, when i came here i was a vegetarian, but i'm flexible, and now i eat a lot more eat"...i just wanted to fucking yell at her, "NO< you are not a vegetarian, a vegetarian does NOT EAT MEAT!" but she was sweet, and it would have been rude, and i think she was trying to look cool despite her generally lame-looking friends..who were all right, joss whedon fans and all, but they were all...
GASP!..
MARRIED>>>>>>
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I"M IN FUCKING INDIANA WITH A BUNCH OF MARRIED PEOPLE!!!
and there's a lot less healthy food here...lots more fat...
missin y'all
(specially vu)
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
woo!
finished my paper due today
still no job
brooke has joined the red cross!
i'll have net at home tomorrow
i get to SLEEP tomorrow
and i am gonna be late for class
that's all folks...
and yes, sufjan is still givin me the blues...
oh how i miss the gray skies of michigan...
(altho undoubtedly it's terribly gross there right now...hello, bizarro land between fall and summer...)
still no job
brooke has joined the red cross!
i'll have net at home tomorrow
i get to SLEEP tomorrow
and i am gonna be late for class
that's all folks...
and yes, sufjan is still givin me the blues...
oh how i miss the gray skies of michigan...
(altho undoubtedly it's terribly gross there right now...hello, bizarro land between fall and summer...)
Monday, September 05, 2005
sufjan gives me the blues
missing michigan with a vengeance
the clouds, brooke and thea, ryan, the pines, the trees, the air, the lack of indiana, the reuse center, the smell of lake michigan in the wind some mornings, the blue sky, the walkability of a2
plus side? ned and i did the exchange phone numbers shebang...so i think that makes us closer to being friends or something....i just found it odd because i didn't think i'd proven myself to be cool enough..or something
social policies ar so strange
and sadly, my 516 folklore class on methodologies is turning out to be underwhelming...which is only a tragedy in that it lasts 4.5 hours minus a 45 minute lunch break...lesigh
and altho my asian transnationalism class Rocks...i seem inadequate when it comes to participating, mostly because i have 0 experience with east asia...whereas everyone but me and a Really confident-tiedyewearin guy have been to or came from asia....eep!
but the books are good....
which reminds me, i have 500 pages to read by wednesday...
smell ya later
the clouds, brooke and thea, ryan, the pines, the trees, the air, the lack of indiana, the reuse center, the smell of lake michigan in the wind some mornings, the blue sky, the walkability of a2
plus side? ned and i did the exchange phone numbers shebang...so i think that makes us closer to being friends or something....i just found it odd because i didn't think i'd proven myself to be cool enough..or something
social policies ar so strange
and sadly, my 516 folklore class on methodologies is turning out to be underwhelming...which is only a tragedy in that it lasts 4.5 hours minus a 45 minute lunch break...lesigh
and altho my asian transnationalism class Rocks...i seem inadequate when it comes to participating, mostly because i have 0 experience with east asia...whereas everyone but me and a Really confident-tiedyewearin guy have been to or came from asia....eep!
but the books are good....
which reminds me, i have 500 pages to read by wednesday...
smell ya later