i'm a bad person

Class was cancelled today so i got groceries and then i was supposed to DO something, but instead i bought a pizza, ate it, drank some saki (which was sooooooo good, and a gave me a buzz that's reddened my cheeks and warmed me to a comfortable state of sleepy half-happiness), some soda, and watched tv.
Now, I have just finished the graphic novel, Blankets, which was toooooo fucking preachy for me. I grew up with that jesus shit, i don't need a rehash, although i guess it was pretty good otherwise...even verging on terribly good. but merely verging...soem of the drawings just felt like they could have gone farther...but overall, i'd give it an A, but with the reservation that it could have been an A++++++++++++++
Anyway, I don't want to read...even though i have to...or do the dishes...even tho i should...or do the million and one things i should do...heck, i don't even want to draw, which is a first in a while...
mostly, i just want to talk to someone, so call me
in other news, Who wants to go travel this summer??? come on, you know you want to!
i'm talkin to you brooke, thea, and ryan...who wants to go to japan!? yeah!
sorry, i'm just bored, wishing i could be traveling or something...
here's the lame part

i'm going to use cookie dough as a metaphor

okay, so i'm cookies
but i'm not done baking
and i'm on this wacked out platter with other cookies
and the other cookies aren't really what i expected, but some are cool
and the platter is awight...but i'm not done yet
and i don't really want to go back in that same oven
i want to try a differen one
maybe one with spices or frosting
or honey or caramel
or something

in other words, i feel like i'm stunted, or stilted, or just plain jilted... i feel like i've gotten to the peace/sense of home/of place that i've always searched for and yearned for, but I AM NOT READY FOR IT
i'm not the cookies i want to be yet...i'm not as complex and elaborately flavored as i'd like to be...

RESOLUTION: after/if i get into phd school,
i'm gonna take a year or two off, if it's allowed, otherwise i don't know what' i'll do
and travel
go to hawaii, visit some of the places in my mom's pictures,
to ireland, to the cote d'azur i've dreamt of for so long, before the dreams die
to egypt, to the pyramids, maybe, to japan
to switzerland and maybe belgium again and to acadia national park and new hampshire and california and colorado...i want to visit all my friends and family
and be alone in places without a safety net
without furniture, without confidence, without walls, without me
to maybe get a better grip on the world, and me, and people
and maybe get some of the experiences, the adventures, that i'm yearning for


resolution2: i shoudl read....
eep, here i go!