CORRECTION!!!!:
i am going to be in ann arbor starting march 11th, not 19th, through that friday or saturday
so call me if you gonna be in town or thereabouts
sorry for the confusion
i think my school changed its schedule or i fucked things up
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
the good, the bad, and the cold
board game night was a bust
the first time
i confused the dates; the second time was awesome, tho i didn't make any particular friends...i met a lot of cool peop[le, mostly younger it seems, but NOT IN COLLEGE, ,er at least not grad school
i got to play pirate cove and had fun for an hour or so with REAL people
i keep missing phoebe on aim, which makes me sad, cuz she's so fucking cool...i often feel like i can't possibly be talking to her since she's so talented, but i gotta get over that or else i really won't be talking to her
mostly, i think i just need to get up around 10 on thursdays to catch her on aim...that seems to be when she's on...
i'm going to watch movies, and tomorrow, i'm going to play pool and try to do soemthing for the chinese new year maybe, and saturday i'm going to put some work on the loom and read, and sunday i'm going to read and maybe go see a matinee
otherwise, i'll keep on trucking, reading lovecraft's mountains of madness, trying to finish my application for a teaching assistantship, reading for class, finding a place to live next year, etc etc
so, in short, nothing terribly meaningful in this blog entry, but i wanted to touch base, cuz i'm pretty sure i'll be out of focus for the next weeks, what with 2 concernts (mi and l'au, and andrew bird), my sister visiting, applications coming due for funding, school getting dirty, and work getting busier
plus, i'm starting my new graphic novel, t he one i been talking about for a while, Triptych, volume 1, as well as finishing a story i been working on about the Unnamed...they're both good
tho, first, i should probly finish a story called demons...
anyway, i'm knitting a blanket and watching horror movies, what are you up to?
i'm cold cuz it's winter
or maybe that's a should be
never can tell with global climate change
the first time
i confused the dates; the second time was awesome, tho i didn't make any particular friends...i met a lot of cool peop[le, mostly younger it seems, but NOT IN COLLEGE, ,er at least not grad school
i got to play pirate cove and had fun for an hour or so with REAL people
i keep missing phoebe on aim, which makes me sad, cuz she's so fucking cool...i often feel like i can't possibly be talking to her since she's so talented, but i gotta get over that or else i really won't be talking to her
mostly, i think i just need to get up around 10 on thursdays to catch her on aim...that seems to be when she's on...
i'm going to watch movies, and tomorrow, i'm going to play pool and try to do soemthing for the chinese new year maybe, and saturday i'm going to put some work on the loom and read, and sunday i'm going to read and maybe go see a matinee
otherwise, i'll keep on trucking, reading lovecraft's mountains of madness, trying to finish my application for a teaching assistantship, reading for class, finding a place to live next year, etc etc
so, in short, nothing terribly meaningful in this blog entry, but i wanted to touch base, cuz i'm pretty sure i'll be out of focus for the next weeks, what with 2 concernts (mi and l'au, and andrew bird), my sister visiting, applications coming due for funding, school getting dirty, and work getting busier
plus, i'm starting my new graphic novel, t he one i been talking about for a while, Triptych, volume 1, as well as finishing a story i been working on about the Unnamed...they're both good
tho, first, i should probly finish a story called demons...
anyway, i'm knitting a blanket and watching horror movies, what are you up to?
i'm cold cuz it's winter
or maybe that's a should be
never can tell with global climate change
Sunday, January 22, 2006
parental advice
my mother and i were talking on the phoen the other day
boy that sounds lame but she called me to see if i was well after having a terrible virus, and i told her i'd just gotten back from a hike and was feeling short of breath
anyway, i told her about my problem with friends lately
that being that the people i interact with don't seem to be living their lives, they seem to be surviving them.... rather than taking actions as they feel are the right ones or doing what they know they need or want to do, people just do what's necessary to get by
they don't care about breathing anymore, they just let the system do its job and they become computer-beings or somesuch...people just doing what is the least necessary or defining themselves by one label and living their lives without reaching for dreams, or ethics, or morals, or love, or adventure, or risk, or challenges, or anything
and then i tell her i skipped out on two potlocks in favor of being on my own, and i had a BLAST ( i went to the local activist bookstore, bought two scifi/fantasy books, one by gaiman, and then went and read the gaiman one at the local coffee shop with a cup of wonderful tea and some strawberry cake...wonderful night, rather warm, and everyone was SO NICE) and how the people i don't even know are nicer and more considerate than a lot of my supposed 'friends' here (r excluded)...plus, they were more informed about events, and there were discussions i overheard about the environment and social acton and justice and whatnot
and she just says, well good, i'm glad you got to be around people who are 'actually alive!"
an she laughed, and i laughed
and i smiled so big
just cuz i realized i'm not insane
and there are worlds of worlds outside my own world, and things that academe just doesn't cover, and that i really do just need to find people with their feet on their gournd and their mind connected to their heart and lungs and feet
so tuesday, i'm skipping out on my coursework, much like i am right now, nothing terribly or decidedly shirky, but enough so that i can go to a board game night at the activist book store and hopefully make friends with some nice, cool people
so i guess i'm hopeful again
but watch out, i'm sure i'll brood at some point before the end of the week, if nothing else, then over the fact that i have to apply for ai-ships by the 1st, and the fact that i have to find a place to live for next year
why is house-searching so depressing?
anyway, to quote a friend, "the world could end tomorrow, so don't worry,
just go to sleep"
boy that sounds lame but she called me to see if i was well after having a terrible virus, and i told her i'd just gotten back from a hike and was feeling short of breath
anyway, i told her about my problem with friends lately
that being that the people i interact with don't seem to be living their lives, they seem to be surviving them.... rather than taking actions as they feel are the right ones or doing what they know they need or want to do, people just do what's necessary to get by
they don't care about breathing anymore, they just let the system do its job and they become computer-beings or somesuch...people just doing what is the least necessary or defining themselves by one label and living their lives without reaching for dreams, or ethics, or morals, or love, or adventure, or risk, or challenges, or anything
and then i tell her i skipped out on two potlocks in favor of being on my own, and i had a BLAST ( i went to the local activist bookstore, bought two scifi/fantasy books, one by gaiman, and then went and read the gaiman one at the local coffee shop with a cup of wonderful tea and some strawberry cake...wonderful night, rather warm, and everyone was SO NICE) and how the people i don't even know are nicer and more considerate than a lot of my supposed 'friends' here (r excluded)...plus, they were more informed about events, and there were discussions i overheard about the environment and social acton and justice and whatnot
and she just says, well good, i'm glad you got to be around people who are 'actually alive!"
an she laughed, and i laughed
and i smiled so big
just cuz i realized i'm not insane
and there are worlds of worlds outside my own world, and things that academe just doesn't cover, and that i really do just need to find people with their feet on their gournd and their mind connected to their heart and lungs and feet
so tuesday, i'm skipping out on my coursework, much like i am right now, nothing terribly or decidedly shirky, but enough so that i can go to a board game night at the activist book store and hopefully make friends with some nice, cool people
so i guess i'm hopeful again
but watch out, i'm sure i'll brood at some point before the end of the week, if nothing else, then over the fact that i have to apply for ai-ships by the 1st, and the fact that i have to find a place to live for next year
why is house-searching so depressing?
anyway, to quote a friend, "the world could end tomorrow, so don't worry,
just go to sleep"
Friday, January 13, 2006
wwyd
what would you do?
when i first came to bloomington, i felt like i'd left behind everything i cared about...and for what? the chance to make more money?
i thought about it and couldn't figure out why the hell i was in grad school, although i've begun to remember why i went to college in the first place: to make a difference, to do something, to prove myself to the universe, to give something back to the trees and the faces and the skies of earth
But there i was, away from friends, from family, from the landscape i loved, and for what? Why, to participate in the ridiculousness of contemporary society? we move to get jobs, we move to find happiness, to get a bigger hosue, to get what we want, to have, to posess..
but i had just realized that what i wanted, what i needed, the life i wanted to live was made up of people, of animals and places
and i wasn't, nor am i now, sure if the mission mattered, if i really wanted to make a difference anymore, or if it was impossible, if the best i could hope for was to just survive, to maybe fall in love and find satisfaction
and then you hit it, the wall, the lack of want, satisfaction...i hit it last summer: i had friends, karate, i felt strong and cool and worthy of life
and then what? what do you do when what you know is right doesn't seem right anymore? what happens when good and evil mix, because they were never separate to begin with, and you just can't tell them apart?
i dunno
i'm asking here
the point i guess (shit i'm not good at this, maybe i should have commissioned a friend to write an essay on how modern lifestyles of migration tend to decentralize a person's self-confidence and self-hood, or soemthing)
the point is
i felt strong and safe and good back there, in a few moments, in some sunshine and rain, and then it blew away on the wind
and i let it go, i decided it was time to move on
which was the right idea, i think
but what do you do when everything you work so hard for just drifts away on the wind in the face of the rock in your hand, the need to do something to make the world better (not for me, but for people, for animals, and plants...not letting my hatred of people cloud my judgements, but working to make the whole planet closer to something stronger, to a moment or two of serenity and wisdom)?
how do you make the planet stronger while at the same time creating a microcosmos for yourself, without getting lost in either world, without losing either self, the hero or the lover?
how do you make a difference without cheating yourself and those you love?
when i first came to bloomington, i felt like i'd left behind everything i cared about...and for what? the chance to make more money?
i thought about it and couldn't figure out why the hell i was in grad school, although i've begun to remember why i went to college in the first place: to make a difference, to do something, to prove myself to the universe, to give something back to the trees and the faces and the skies of earth
But there i was, away from friends, from family, from the landscape i loved, and for what? Why, to participate in the ridiculousness of contemporary society? we move to get jobs, we move to find happiness, to get a bigger hosue, to get what we want, to have, to posess..
but i had just realized that what i wanted, what i needed, the life i wanted to live was made up of people, of animals and places
and i wasn't, nor am i now, sure if the mission mattered, if i really wanted to make a difference anymore, or if it was impossible, if the best i could hope for was to just survive, to maybe fall in love and find satisfaction
and then you hit it, the wall, the lack of want, satisfaction...i hit it last summer: i had friends, karate, i felt strong and cool and worthy of life
and then what? what do you do when what you know is right doesn't seem right anymore? what happens when good and evil mix, because they were never separate to begin with, and you just can't tell them apart?
i dunno
i'm asking here
the point i guess (shit i'm not good at this, maybe i should have commissioned a friend to write an essay on how modern lifestyles of migration tend to decentralize a person's self-confidence and self-hood, or soemthing)
the point is
i felt strong and safe and good back there, in a few moments, in some sunshine and rain, and then it blew away on the wind
and i let it go, i decided it was time to move on
which was the right idea, i think
but what do you do when everything you work so hard for just drifts away on the wind in the face of the rock in your hand, the need to do something to make the world better (not for me, but for people, for animals, and plants...not letting my hatred of people cloud my judgements, but working to make the whole planet closer to something stronger, to a moment or two of serenity and wisdom)?
how do you make the planet stronger while at the same time creating a microcosmos for yourself, without getting lost in either world, without losing either self, the hero or the lover?
how do you make a difference without cheating yourself and those you love?