home again

but who the hell would call this home?
i came back to bton and started balling in my apt with my sister because i got here and hated my apartment...it's like some fat, overly smushy, fluffball of a person lives here and i'm just visiting
i dunno...but i think maybe i'm changing too fast for my surroundings (my apt. mostly, bloomington too, or maybe there's something else bothering me)
i'm also getting sick again

mostly, i'm missing that burning sense of irritation you get that is at the same time joy at having other people around, eating your food, messing with your stuff, forcing you to do stuff you wouldn't normally do, making noise, suggesting things
i'm terribly lonely
but there's alex, at least, who continues to irritate and love in the same breath

tomorrow i teach...blargh!
i better get my geese in order