on reflection

i think that i was too harsh in my last blog thing, as the people i was speaking of are...pretty coolish, niceish
i think i'm missing my friends and getting angry cuz there's nothing of equal depth here

partially

mostly, i am just very bored with this whole thing

but, what i mean to say is, you don't just make friends or find a life with one big gesture...that's not the way that problems are solved or connections made
it's a process, a painful, slow, long delicate, harsh, irritating yet enjoyable,a nd illuminating process
i think that i'm not able to find the process right now, and i'm sad that i can't, because unfolding people is so very beautiful and interesting and i miss it

that's all i meant to say

but in other news, squirrels keep walking above my study window on a power line and making me think there's an airplane out there, how weird is that?