To be clear, I have never liked Friday nights. In high school, I avoided my friends and generally went to Ann Arbor with my dad or just hung out at home, often watching a video with my parents and then getting to bed after reading books or going for a hike. I did not like the pressure associated with it, and I still don't like the habits people think it requires.
Friday night. Let's go to the bar and talk a lot about the same things as always. Then, if people want to do stuff, be all crotchety and just keep b.s.-ing until it gets too late to do anything but laugh at stupid shit cuz you're so pissed-drunk. Or alternatively, go to a party and talk to people about nothing until a similar condition arises. It's like we all just want to run from reality, killing brain cells or silencing them long enough for the world around us to blur into our emotions and desire. That way, it's less painful.
But, "even in the darkness, all the colors can be found." All emotions are important, not just feeling good. I have spent a good share of Fridays just brooding over shit in cafes or in nature parks, letting my mind relax and restore itself in nature. I've also watched buckets of TV because it helps me excercise the fiction side of my mind. No bullshit, no feeling awkward in a large room full of people I don't even care enough to see through, no pretending that the alcohol blurs anything but chemicals in my mind.
I'd honestly rather be hiking in nature or reading a story than hanging out in bars/restuarants/clubs/etc. most nights, though from time to time, it is good to let reality blur. I guess the conclusion that I come to is this: everything in its own measure. Watch TV or read stories, go for hikes and enjoy nature, go to bars or parties and talk to friends, get shoe-gazey with yerself, but do it all in a balanced way. Or it gets out of balance and you're no longer connected to the world as it is, only as one might wish it were. So it's pissing me off that I cannot balance my own life without feeling bad about it, without thinking that I am uncool, without feeling as though I am making someone unhappy by not doing what they want.
Which just comes back to me needing not to try to make everyone happy. Duh. Knew that. Also, though, doing something different every chance you get to unwind is also essential to staying sane and connected with the flows of our vast ecosystem called Earth.
"I'm an animal. You're an animal, too."
1 comment:
I love this post. And I love that you avoided doing the cliche HS shit that people feel compelled to do; that we feel compelled to encourage our children to do ~~ "Oh, don't you have any plans tonight?"~~What is with that? That you would rather hang with your parents, or read is so.....well, who really has the balls to do what they want? Most of us feel the need to do what makes us acceptable to others, whether it's fun or not.
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